I take the long way home
focussed on my drying skin,
hands and fingers and lips.
I turn from myself in the dark
and fill my ears with his sweet voice
i watch with glazed eyes, the ink bird stand still
only thinking of the light glistening through your hair
I long for your grey pale skin
for your soft pink tinged lips
and eyes of empty blue
that look straight past it all.
A wash of loneliness comes over my sweat coated skin.
I walked for miles and I’m still alone.
Losing pounds by the second,
filling the gap in my chest with poison.
Waiting for him, waiting for it to kick in.
My shoulders ache from the weight of my choices
from the weight of my dreams and my love.
My limbs are itching, my brain is empty
I think I’m high, cause now i don’t mind a thing
Beasts arranged on the shelves between the bottles
their profile reflected in the musty glass
Its daytime at the table, leaning elbows on the arm rests
as i pour liquor down my parched throat
The sun shines down outside, i felt it digging into my pours
threatening my laboured skin
Filling the gaps between the ink with an olive brown
I take refuge between the stained blue walls
on the dark mauve leather. I look insane, across from
an orange haired boy with sweet eyes asking me why I’m still here.
The milk curdles in the depths of my cup
As the day breaks through my smoke hazed window
I awoke from dreams of what wasn’t mine
with feet and legs cramped and an ache in my head.
Up and alight against the marker drawn anticross
running fingers through matted hair, over tired eyes and cheek.
Sonic drones bounce off the purple wallpaper stifling my walls.
I sway and fade through the drum and the heat.
I keep it warm like summer time, the cold day creeping under my door.
Cold foreign streets of grey and grey
i search for anything and something
alone amongst the pale and wet
it seems the same but its not
In the place of dreams, i yearn for
the comfort of the past
i miss the things i hate
Everything tastes strange
alone, surrounded by the dying and the birds
the young are too young and the others are dead
i walk with eyes wide and smoke on my lips
i am waiting for something, for that.
I lingered too long
on his lips, his eyes, his cheek
consumed from afar, eyes closed
trying not to hear the words you spoke
your voice makes me cry, I love, I love,
I lost what i never had
the blood washed out of my collar
erasing a memory i had already forgotten
alone and warm in the night
i don’t know you but I’m still waiting
The cold pricks up
The hair on my olive skin.
I don’t shiver from the air
The gin is strong,
the Valium Fills my head
Eyes half open, sultry to the page
I lose focus
He has me thinking of crashing
I wait for it to hit,
as my eyes glaze over
His skin the colour of marble
A greying white of soft flesh
Engraved with dark lines
Of unknown beasts
He lays before me,
His face unframed
a smirk on his lips.
On the foam bedding and the darkness we lay entwined
his mind fogged with intoxication, mine with desire
and a greedy yearning. For flesh, for love, for touch
Hope dwells within me. A constant disappointment and
lack of understanding, ghostly sadness wraps its
thin white hands around my heart and guts.
Gripping tighter with every thought.
Thrown away once again. I exist as a mere excuse.
A muffled kiss, sweat coating his skin. I mean nothing.